How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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