please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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