Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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