She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think your dad took our porno
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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