I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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