No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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