if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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