Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
