So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
