Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
