shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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