I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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