break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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