I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
