i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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