9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am never drinking with the goths again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
