Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize