we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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