You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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