im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
barbara walters just said penis...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
