She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
