remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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