wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
