My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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