How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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