Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
