I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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