I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
