Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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