I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
