When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
