i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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