Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
