I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
