Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
