Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
