u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
