I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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