I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
