Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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