Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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