And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
