At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
