I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
