i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
