It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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