yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
