Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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