I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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