Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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