after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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