You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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