I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
