Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
love makes seman taste better
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.