you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.