Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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(419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl

Replies (11) Good night (1055) Bad night (1226)
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(818): View more from California

Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.

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(818): Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes. http://tfl.nu/a910

Replies (9) Good night (743) Bad night (902)
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(312): View more from Illinois

You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?

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(312): You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend? http://tfl.nu/xot8

Replies (23) Good night (631) Bad night (1932)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number

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(843): he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number http://tfl.nu/katp

Replies (20) Good night (567) Bad night (6792)
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(718): View more from New York

Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."

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(718): Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom." http://tfl.nu/h2e6

Replies (17) Good night (4769) Bad night (1422)
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(949): View more from California

so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.

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(949): so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home. http://tfl.nu/81x1

Replies (37) Good night (5361) Bad night (827)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

how was last night?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

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(908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl

Replies (32) Good night (6377) Bad night (3089)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?

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(780): Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top? http://tfl.nu/gcls

Replies (47) Good night (1399) Bad night (6889)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.

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(218): I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot. http://tfl.nu/z5np

Replies (4) Good night (999) Bad night (2926)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.

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(402): Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes. http://tfl.nu/823v

Replies (12) Good night (2938) Bad night (929)
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(559): View more from California

Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.

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(559): Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on. http://tfl.nu/nei9

Replies (7) Good night (1000) Bad night (1544)
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(425): View more from Washington

we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years

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(425): we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years http://tfl.nu/w11g

Replies (2) Good night (1157) Bad night (521)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.

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(910): Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here. http://tfl.nu/sd9v

Replies (1) Good night (981) Bad night (347)
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(410): View more from Maryland

She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.

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(410): She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue. http://tfl.nu/xn2n

Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (251)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.

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(+61): I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes. http://tfl.nu/bcwt

Replies (3) Good night (321) Bad night (666)

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