I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
