tell your sister to shave her snatch
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
