U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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