Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
