I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
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I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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