walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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