glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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