Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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