why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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